all the lonely people
This is a favorite topic of mine. Why modern day men and women seem to be complaining incessantly about loneliness, why divorce rates are increasing, why depression is increasing, etc. etc. Perhaps this is just the indirect effect of people complaining more about qualitative life conditions in general, a simple time trend of growing dissatisfaction even as living conditions continue on an upwards trajectory. Now that we're at the self-actualization tip of Maslow's hierarchy, all our other needs being satisfied, we're suddenly unduly picky about tiny little problems in our lives and blow it all out of proportion. I.e. maybe we're all just whining more. But maybe not.
It occurs to me not for the first time that the problem may be our increasingly self-centered culture. In the past, people more often found their partners early, then formed their lifestyle, careers, etc. around this foundation. Today, people more often form a solid career and lifestyle foundation, then try to find someone to fit neatly into the partner role you've created for them, like the remaining piece in a convoluted puzzle. What's more, people these days have VERY clear criteria for their friends and partners (e.g. intelligent, financially secure, grad school education, hot, funny, etc.).. another pre-made mold to find someone to fit. Which odds for success seem better? In fact, which sounds more like building a life and which more like running a business. It seems to me it's much easier to build a life with someone than to build a life and then try to cast a leading man or lady to fit the bill. Then consider that if EVERYONE plots out the life first, then goes looking for the star, who's going to be willing to give up their own plan to play the role in someone else's little drama? Not even that, but how many can you find to even fit in your life in the first place, much less in the leading role? No wonder there are so many lonely people.
So the bottom line is: are we putting impossibly high standards on life, and particularly our partners, that are nearly impossible to satisfy?
More on this later..
It occurs to me not for the first time that the problem may be our increasingly self-centered culture. In the past, people more often found their partners early, then formed their lifestyle, careers, etc. around this foundation. Today, people more often form a solid career and lifestyle foundation, then try to find someone to fit neatly into the partner role you've created for them, like the remaining piece in a convoluted puzzle. What's more, people these days have VERY clear criteria for their friends and partners (e.g. intelligent, financially secure, grad school education, hot, funny, etc.).. another pre-made mold to find someone to fit. Which odds for success seem better? In fact, which sounds more like building a life and which more like running a business. It seems to me it's much easier to build a life with someone than to build a life and then try to cast a leading man or lady to fit the bill. Then consider that if EVERYONE plots out the life first, then goes looking for the star, who's going to be willing to give up their own plan to play the role in someone else's little drama? Not even that, but how many can you find to even fit in your life in the first place, much less in the leading role? No wonder there are so many lonely people.
So the bottom line is: are we putting impossibly high standards on life, and particularly our partners, that are nearly impossible to satisfy?
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